We’re here, we’re here!

“Take That, Autism where did you go?!”

We’re here. We never left. In the waxing and waning of parenthood where “I’ve got this” quickly turns to “What day is it?” in the amount of time it takes a Lego to lodge in your big toe, we lost track of some things around here.

We overbooked, over expected, drowned a little, came back up for air, and are trying to find our footing again. That will involve some re-organizing, consistent planning, saying “no” more, and continued consumption of caffeine.

One thing that never stopped here was Autism. Just because I wasn’t writing doesn’t mean I wasn’t feeling. I may not have been shouting about Autism from the rooftops but I at least was talking about it in a moderate volume on my back patio.

Caleb turned 5 a couple of weeks ago. That’s a whole hand, ya’ll. We had a super fun and the biggest party we’ve ever hosted here on the farm for him. There were other kids here for a party for the first time. It was space themed (because this kid is not your typical train loving boy with Autism but does love a rocketship!) and I absolutely- in more ways than one- rocked his world. “Oh hey man, here’s almost a dozen kids who are gonna come play with all your things in your personal space and we’re gonna be cool with that, ok?” And he most certainly was 🙂 He wasn’t the most outwardly social and didn’t seek any kids out but when they would come find him and swim by him in the pool he had the biggest smile on his face I’ve ever seen. And you guys- he exhibited some 100% compliant cooperative play with a friend with not just a preferred toy but an item of Autism compulsion- his Lego sets. There were no tantrums, no meltdowns, and not very much sensory seeking. But there were laughs and smiles and words. Lots of words. I got reports of how much he’s grown developmentally (and physically cause you know- 98th percentile for height) from family members who only see him a few times a year. Caleb convinced a party goer who didn’t plan on swimming to go change into a bathing suit by making sweet eye contact and verbally requesting that they “swim” with him. And I’m 100% certain he knew everything and everyone about that day was for him.

It was an amazing day and I’m excited because I think 5-6 is going to be huge for him. I wouldn’t be honest, however, if I didn’t also include that there are bittersweet aspects to our special needs children growing older. While I make a big deal out of his birthday annually because I’m so incredibly proud of his progress year to year, the older he gets, the wider the gap becomes of things he can’t do yet. He’s talking a lot but still largely nonverbal. He likes other kids but doesn’t seek them out. He plays with all the toys he got as presents but still lines them up in rows. I bought a pack of size 6 diapers today. That stung. He’s doing better but he’s not 100% there yet with potty training. At 5 you can’t hide that there’s something different about him when we go out. Which I don’t try to do and I do have a genuine “screw ‘em” philosophy to any wry glances or judgmental stares received when we’re out. I do fear, however, that because his differences are more noticeable, that there’s gonna be that one fool who says the wrong thing just audible enough for me to hear and what in turn my reaction will be. You can ask me questions- blunt ones- I don’t mind. But you can’t criticize him or even elude to criticism with him in my presence because I have a hypersensitivity to protect him like you wouldn’t even imagine and I CAN’T handle it. I admit 100% the severity of my responses have not always matched things that have happened and you may say “oh, that’s a mom thing.” It is. But when it’s about your child with special needs it’s more of a “mom on steroids after 37 Red Bulls and an all nighter at an accidental rave” thing. The poking of the Mama Bear of a special needs child is a whole other post (stay tuned!).

So, I’m excited for Caleb’s 5th year. Also obviously, I’m slightly worried I may have to punch somebody in the face before he reaches 6 but we’re all a work in progress, are we not? 😉

Fellow Autism mamas- may your child’s birthdays ALWAYS be more sweet than bitter. 

Love and Autism,


PS, for fun, and so I can do the same things my Facebook friends post on an annual basis, here’s one of those fun birthday questionnaires about Caleb. He’s not able to answer the questions himself this year, but I’m confident this is what he would say if he could!

Caleb, Age 5

Favorite Toy: Legos

Favorite Outfit: Astronaut t-shirt and Mickey Mouse pj pants

Favorite TV Show: YouTube Surprise Eggs (ya’ll know what I’m talking ‘bout)

Favorite Movie: Lego Batman

Favorite Food: Mac and Cheese

Favorite Song: Rain, rain go away

Favorite Book: PJ Masks Look and Find

Favorite Holiday: Halloween

What do you want to be when you grow up? Astronaut. Or YouTube millionaire surprise eggs opener 😉